Yesterday, I find out that my student loan is delayed because of an error on the registrar's part and I have to spend the whole morning e-mailing and on the phone with various people to straighten it out. There were the moments of panic and dismay. I have to send in a check to the landlord Monday for half the rent, $425, and I depend on my student loan/pell grant. Well, after letting the whole thing go and spending the morning in front of a camera, sans make-up, for a skin-care line that is using me as their test subject, I felt better. A couple of hours later I found out that the school will send the money today. I also received a check for $50. When I signed up for the skin-care job, I thought we would just receive product. The money was a pleasant little bonus.
When I was sitting in this ladies home, where I rented a room, a voice came to me, prior to my move, loud and clear, that "You have nothing to worry about." Such a short but profound statement. I try to apply it to my daily life. I really need a job and I am in a category now that leaves so little options that would be truly satisfying. But I am determined. I have the miracle concept to nurture in my mind. To believe that my soul is divine and precious and I can automatically create a miracle. I do believe that it's done with vast assistance by the Almighty but believing in that one thing does bring it about for sure. My apartment is a prime example. I indeed had nothing to worry about.
But my question is this: why is it that everything has to happen the nano-second before it's needed??? Why must I be brought to the edge of the precipice I feel like I will fall into only to be brought back to safety and security? That seems to be the m.o. of my life right now. Everything, bills, rent, buying food, all takes the very last moment I cannot do without that it all comes to fruition. But it does happen, the money appears, the place to live that is perfect manifests. it is a miracle. So today is another day and I will plow thru best I can. Living in LA is a big challenge. So many people and the work I do is over-saturated with so many beautiful and talented souls. There is nothing to do but trust in God and his beneficence. I will just believe, click my heels together and be happy to have a home, be it ever so humble.
