I titled my blog If The Truth Be Told because I felt the need to write positive, uplifting essays and musings. Even if it's only MY TRUTH, it may resonate with others as their truth also. You know the saying "the truth will set you free." Who doesn't want to feel free. Free of stress, the burden of huge responsibilities, etc. I love sharing something inspirational that will make life a little bit more bearable for all of us who struggle living in this crazy world. So I went and read one of the very first blogs I had ever written from 2009. So here it is below. Other than I don't feel downtrodden anymore, I'm actually a very happy camper at the moment having moved back to LA, the truth from this older blog is still very relevant. One thing I would add to this older blog is ... if you are grateful He will give you more. I hope you enjoy it.
Truth or Consequences
As I child I used to watch this show on TV called "Truth or Consequences" and there was a very young Bob Barker as the host. I barely remember what was done on the show but what I do remember is that I liked it, it was fun, and it was something I could watch with my mother and brother. Many years later I noticed there is even a town called Truth or Consequences in New Mexico. I think it was in my 20's when I found out what the word consequence really meant. I had Brazilian parents and much of the time they spoke Portuguese around me as a child. My one huge regret in this life is that I didn't learn the language fluently. How different my life would have been had I spoken Portuguese. I would most likely be singing in nightclubs Brazilian songs for a living, being so passionate about the music fo Brazil.
As a young girl, I wasn't around people who spoke a lot of English and it is just in the last few years that I have fallen in love with the English language since I decided to go back to school and was blessed with the demands of writing. Writing a lot. I am learning to love words. What they mean, what they can become to mean when written in a certain way. I love the word Truth. I love the way John Leguizamo says the word truth in the film Moulin Rouge.
I'm not crazy about the word consequence. It has a kind of forboding quality to it but it can come in handy. In disciplining my kids, I used the word to remind them when they misbehaved they would have to face "the consequences." When remembering all the things I did in the past and how they are coming back to bite me in the butt. When you charge something on a credit card the consequences is that you will go into DEBT! Big one...and if you don't put gas in your car, you will get stuck somewhere and not be able to drive. That's a no-brainer.
There are the other big ones like if you sleep with a man unprotected, you have a good chance of getting pregnant or if you smoke a lot of cigarettes, your lungs can turn black. How our whole life is filled with consequences for our actions. I think what happened in the 60's, I adopted the word karma and I kind of like that one better. It carries the same meaning, the same weight as consequences but it is more exotic and foreign. I hope I have been building good karma with my love and compassion for my fellow brothers and sisters. I'm certainly not a perfect person and lately feeling kind of down-trodden with no real job and money in the bank. But I will plow thru this time because it can't last forever and hope my good karma kicks in and I get to the other side of this test.
What is the main question on this test? Well, it is how much faith do I have in God's beneficence and mercy. Can I trust that at the moment I need something, my need will be fulfilled? Let me tell ya...this is one bitch of a test. Many years ago, an Egyptian man told me a story about a beggar in the courtyard of a small village, he would sit out and wait for someone to give him his morning food. If anyone tried to give him food for the whole day he would refuse it because he wanted to make sure he kept the faith that later in the day he would be provided for. Boy, did I not get that one right away until I was put in the same boat. One day at a time is nothing compared to one hour at a time. That is how I have to live at times. One hour at a time. Trust in God and his mercy, abundance and beneficence. Abundance being the operative word.
That is my big lesson right now. I feel like posting a disclaimer and telling you all, "do not try this at home" but I can't. If God sees fit that you need this test. Surrender, let it all go. Everything you are clutching in your hand out of fear, let it go. He will provide. Reminds me a little of this song I sing to myself on occasion. "Life is just a bowl of cherries". The line goes "the sweet things in life, to you are just loaned, so how can you lose, what you never owned." Wow! do I love that line. So, I'm off for my morning walk and basking in the glorius sunshine of Los Angeles. I'll leave with you with one truth that I do know. God is large and in charge! Have a lovely day whoever may read this. Love and Light! Pilar
I never thought I'd be saying this, but I am looking forward to my life in the fast lane once again... Well, almost. Must be the roots in my birth city Los Angeles calling me over the miles loud and clear, "Come Back Now!!" And as a true Cali girl, I'm yelling in response, "I'll be there soon." You can definitely say I move a lot, much more than most folks. In 2007, I was living in Seattle, freezing my behind off and wishing for warmer climes. Out of the blue, my oldest daughter called asking me if I wanted to come to Hawaii and work as her makeup/hair person for a photo shoot for Jupiter Images. Hellloooo, are you kidding? I was packed and ready to go in nothing flat. I decided to get rid of everything and move back (having lived in Hawaii from 1969 to 1980) sans all my warm coats. You actually never need any clothes at all. Well, maybe a bathing suit and a few dresses/t-shirts and shorts. (btw, below/right is one of the photos that ended up in the LA Sunday Times.)
I enjoyed my time in Honolulu, working on the most fun show I've ever done, The Musical of Musicals: The Musical, among other things. I stayed very briefly, not quite 2 years, when I needed to get back to Cali to assist my brother, who is disabled, with some issues. Not long after leaving Hawaii to Los Angeles,(where I went back to school) I decided to move to NYC which I can't say was the easiest time but so many perks came my way, including being on the SAG Awards Nominating Committee, so I have no complaints but I became very ill and moved to Florida to heal.
I lived in this cultural wasteland known as Daytona Beach for close to two months when I got the bug to move to Wilmington, NC. With the adventurous spirit I possess, I moved here not knowing a soul. I've been in what is affectionately known as Wilmywood, because of all the films or TV shows made here, but find it's close to living in the backwoods of a very provincial town. I'm serious. It has only been a year since Trader Joe's and Whole Foods came on the scene so the locals are only becoming familiar with something I have enjoyed for many years. I have been able to sing a bit, performing at the Unity Church and then this Friday at the Unitarian Church. I made a short film for the Cucalorus Cough Syrup Film Festival and wrote two books, a 10-minute stage play and a screenplay, and started up my blog again so it's been productive if nothing else. And once again, I've gotten rid of everything to begin anew in LA.
I have met some amazing, talented folks in Wilmington and then some not so fun people who are capable of sucking the life force out of you, if you let them. (But really, that's everywhere). I'm not one to hold a grudge or even want to make a big judgement so I'll move on only wishing all I've encountered the best of luck in their lives. Now I'm off to a place where I know so many people, have family, am quite familiar with the lay of the land and pretty much prepared to face the big egos and insanity that is Hollywood. The traffic and frustrating parking situation not so much but what can ya do? Sigh!
Living in North Carolina has been an experience, an education, a challenge, but mostly a big fat blessing. I've forged friendships that I know will last the rest of my lifetime and I'm so grateful to all who gave me unconditional love, support and sustenance. Love you!! I've learned how to really love and take care of myself more than ever but most of all I've learned how much God really loves me. Not a God who is separate from me but the vibrating Life Force in all living creatures/creation. To this Light I am truly grateful for all You have bestowed upon me. Learning patience, being one of the most valuable gifts to possess in this life, was at the forefront of my lessons. I've heard, "patience is the key to heaven." I have to agree. Another most valuable lesson was, all things pass and nurturing our connection with the ever-lasting Universe is by far the only worthwhile undertaking.
I honestly don't care what may manifest in the next leg of my journey. I'm very surrendered about the future. All I know is, it will be what God wants for me and I will be grateful. Of course, I'll hope to produce my screenplays, sing in show or two, even prepare a one-woman show a psychic friend of mine told me I needed to do, but that's the gravy or frosting. To feel love, to have love, to be love or even be in love is what I'm holding most dear now. So for the few folks I leave behind that have given me so much, who have touched my heart and soul, I'm sincerely grateful. I'm certain ya'll have a place in Heaven. (smiling here). In my next blog, I'm sure I'll have all kinds of fun stories to tell of my flight, my landing, my new home and what is going to be, at least in my feelings, a very fun and creative time. Good-bye Wilmington! God bless ya'll!!
