Fighting for Truth

Below is an article I wrote for the Women's Worldwide Initiative Website. Thought I'd post it here for others to read. Just a bit of what I'm doing and a revelation for me viewing an older documentary called "Berkeley in the Sixties"

UNKNOWN HEROES

I am knee deep into the Sixties era at this time, busy filming what we call in the biz a sizzle reel. It’s not exactly a trailer for a film because the film hasn’t been made, but it’s a preview of what the script/story is all about when trying to get backers interested in funding production for one’s screenplay. It has been an amazing journey which began when I finished writing a full-fledged feature film screenplay titled “How I Survived the Sixties.” It’s like having a fifth child since I have officially been done raising my own four kids about 3 years ago. I have nurtured and mothered this project and embraced how the process is a rewarding and demanding learning experience.

To be inspired and jog my memory, I have watched documentaries on Sixties icons, for example, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and have viewed a couple exclusively about hippies and what the decade produced in the way of historical value. I lived as a hippie myself in the Sixties, I was very young, and had encounters with quite a few of the iconic individuals like Timothy Leary, best remembered for their contribution to the hippie sub-culture. Fast forward to the present where I’m a student now working on a BA in Performance Arts through the LEAP(liberal education for arts professionals)program at St. Marys’ College, exclusively designed for ex- and current professional dancers. I hope to graduate next year and I am now in the midst of beginning my senior project. I’m required to make dance the focal point of the project so I decided to do a documentary on “Drums and Dancing: The Eternal Rhythm.” I have always been in love with dancing to drums, be it a samba beat, Tahitian dancing, or a drum circle at a sixties Love-In. I read a few books exploring similar ideas of the importance of moving to a beat in unison and how it can create community. I also find the idea of our heartbeat as something we move to everyday and a rhythm unto itself which is constant and a strong part of the equation.

The derivation of so many styles of dances with drumming has also fascinated me. From the clearly sensual style of the Tahitian dances and drums to the spiritually based American Indian ceremonies with the familiar drumming, dancing and vocal chanting, I would be moved by the various styles of drumming. But as I was looking more into the Hippie Sub-Culture and how the drums were always a part of any gathering, I fell upon a documentary, “Berkeley in the Sixties”, my eyes were opened to something I have always taken for granted. I lived in the Bay area two years ago and walked the campus of UC Berkeley and never gave it a thought that this is where so many of the demonstrations took place in the sixties that altered our government, society and how we interact with people today. This documentary had interviews with many of the people that were an integral part of these demonstrations. They gave the viewer a front row glimpse of what made them act as they did. We are talking about major topics such as freedom of speech, civil rights, anti-war(Viet Nam) movements and women’s liberation. These were monumental issues that had to be addressed and fought for by these young students.

More often than not, these brilliant and brave young men and women put their lives on the line to fight injustice when they were told they couldn’t speak out on current issues on campus. They were dragged away by policemen, the women as well as men, when they would have sit-ins opposing absurd policies forced upon them. They were sprayed with tear gas at peaceful assemblies. They walked the streets in Oakland to fight for equality with their black brothers and sisters, so they may have better jobs and equal pay. They demanded that the government stop the war in Viet-Nam that only produced coffins coming home with the fallen soldiers that cursed President Johnson for his ridiculous justification putting their country in a war that made no sense.

Towards the end of the sixties, the climax of a turbulent time, birth was given to one of the most important movements to us known as the women’s movement. Here were all the females of the species fighting along the men towards better human equality for the blacks so why shouldn’t they also have the same equality for themselves? It wasn’t long before feminism took off and there was no looking back with more women in positions of power now than ever before. It’s not over yet, our fight to gain the respect of our male counterparts still exists, but it’s getting better. I wanted to bring attention to these unsung heroes. These young students, well-educated men and women, who had to fight for rights we take for granted. There is no one famous or notorious that we could name right away who rose above the others, maybe Gloria Steinem or Huey P. Newton of the Black Panthers, but these people did make a better world for us all. Sometimes violently but most non-violently, trying to immolate Martin Luther King at the time. I was really touched by this documentary “Berkeley in the Sixties” and wanted to share what I gleaned from a historically rich time, even though I lived some of it myself ,up close and personal, in retrospect I have so much more admiration now for these unknown heroes.

Since I live in Hollywood now, or very close, I attend quite a few screenings of films that are still being made that put the female continually as a sex object, a mother who only has the title as so-and-so’s mother, or worse the aged grandmother that ends up some kind of cliché. Grandmothers have changed, big time. I have four grandchildren; I don’t look like a grandmother, at least not the Hollywood kind, so times they are a changing. And I want to be one of those that alters the perception older women aren’t interesting or have anything to offer. I think Betty White and Cloris Leachman are my heroes. But that’s another article all together.

The generation in college now will look back at what my generation had to endure and they won’t believe what they read or hear. I have such a strong belief that many of the young men and women today, who may not have to attend sit-ins or demonstrations to make things better, will know how to stand up against any tyranny and make policies that are meant for society to function with integrity, decency and a more humane way of treating one another.

I have a suggestion, that instead of paying money next time for some horror or violent movie, try seeing a documentary(Netflix,library, small theaters) that can educate and blow your mind in a way that no fictional feature film can. I get the sense sometimes people behave badly because some big movie star performs as a not so good character, it rationalizes the bad behavior and makes it okay. It’s not okay to kill, it’s not okay to demean one another and it’s not okay to sleep around. But then again, it sells tickets and that’s what Hollywood is all about. Money. That being the case, I am beginning to look at the art of film making as a business more and more. But I refuse to compromise my beliefs.

I wanted to give you a little taste of what I’m doing and now that you’ve had a small peak into what I’m about, I will attempt to write more of what you want to know about Hollywood. Questions anyone?

(Pilar Walsh is a student, actor, producer, writer, film-maker, singer and ex-dancer. She has four grown children who grew up with our fearless leader Uraidah in Texas. You can read about her current film project at her website www.soulucetfilms.vpweb.com. Or become a friend on Facebook. Email: pilarsings@yah

Telling the Truth

What is Truth?

Guess I'm on a roll....two blogs in one week. Woop woop!

I was asked on my FB stream, "what is truth?" Good question. There are many definitions to truth, no surprise. Personally, like this description for the word truth, I heard it in a play a friend of mine did. The play was called "On Caring for the Beast" and I saw it twice, which was odd because the first time I had to close my eyes in one part. Nothing pleasant or aesthetic about torture and death, right?

So one of the actors proceeds to explain what truth is....I hear the first few words....oh no, she is saying truth is something awful(because she uses the word 'corrosive') and I'm thinking she is going to be critical of 'truth' but alas, as she finishes the sentence I'm transformed. What she said was profound. I love what words do to me. In the past 15 years I have fallen in love with words. The power, the beauty. How they can touch a person if put in just the right order. So this actress says, "truth is the most corrosive substance in existence. It dissolves all barriers; nothing can stand up to it." Wow! She got me at 'dissolves'. I had to call my actor friend and have him tell me the line so I could write it down and have it for all eternity.

So to me, that is what truth is. It is the element that will bring down all blocks to our understanding. We will all be brought closer by the truth. But truth, one may argue, is relative, someones opinion or doctrine they express. One could say that. But in my 'opinion', there is only the one truth or reality. God is Love! The glue that keeps us together and keeps us all from annihilating ourselves completely.

With my journey of purification, digging deep into my being to purge the self-hatred I inherited and accumulated over the years, I learn to love myself, my fellow humans and God more each day. On that spiritual level, nothing can be done but surrender and let that corrosive truth penetrate all negativity and surround myself with this love. I pray for that to happen and when it does it's painful and I forget I asked for this. But I want it, this love. The love that can bring tears to the eyes in joy and gratitude. I know that feeling. I may not trust it all the time but I relish it.

I went location scouting on Sunday for my film 'How I Survived the Sixties" and a friend took me over to this little cul-de-sac in Costa Mesa, and as we turned in to the road, there is this little sign saying "God is Love", and I knew this place would be perfect for my film. It may have been something left over from the 60's but it's still 'true' today and will always be true. Blessings to you all dear friends. Peace & Love!

The Naked Truth

I have often wondered if the truth could be any other way but "naked." Does it mean that the truth can also be covered up, clothed, or concealed? It's possible many truths are tucked away, hidden from discovery. I always feel I'm uncovering some new truth or another. An alternate way of thinking about why things happen the way they do. This last week was a trial in patience and how circumstances beyond my control exposed a bright silver lining to an unbearable situation. But before I get into that, I have to talk about this billboard near my house, huge and glaring, an ad for an HBO show called True Blood.....I see it when I walk to the stores on Wilshire Blvd.

I know it's my age, but I must be terribly out of the loop, because I don't know this TV show at all and seeing this billboard peaks my curiosity as to what this show is about. The words, bold and black, yell out at the reader passing by, "do bad things", (why would any show use that as a tagline, ya got me), with the cast strategically placed, and a gal in the middle with her legs opened oh so casually....ummm. I'm used to seeing sexy women on billboards but must it feed the mind of the traffic passing by to behave badly? I find it beyond reprehensible. So I discover the show is about vampires. I laugh to myself.....OMG, okay, so how many are there now? The Twilight series, Vampire Diaries, Blood Ties, True Blood and now the new one called "The Gates", and possibly more I don't even know about. And really don't want to.

Am I missing something here? Why do people want to watch this kind of entertainment?? And be told to do bad things? Okay, I know, if I don't want to watch something like this I don't have to. But I do feel for the younger people who do watch these misguided dramas. I think about how it fills their feelings with the fantasy of vampires becoming a reality to them. How sexuality is all tied up with this genre. Then I think right away of the possibility, if there is nothing else to watch, this is what the youth gets.

So, I for one, will try and create an alternative. Try and find a way to bring a show on the air that the tagline will be, "love one another", "do good things", "be the change you want to see in the world." Another important phrase I learned in an Al-Anon meeting, "we are powerless over people, places and things" rings in my brain. Like someone pushed my doorbell, and it tells me, people are going to do bad things and watch vampire shows and end up living with the consequences. I just don't need to be one of them. I will continue to find ways to bring something for these young lives in the world that might appeal to the soul within them. Instead of emulating creatures that do not have one. I'm getting out the garlic and crosses, wish me luck.

As for what happened to me this last week that altered the way I see things, well, I'm gonna spare you the nightmare, because it actually turned into something I had asked for. You know the saying, "be careful what you pray for, you just might get it." I feel different about the material world at the moment and have trust that God will provide my every need. So what I initially saw as a disaster was a prayer answered.

Please God, help me remember this lesson and help me not be brought down by what I see in the world. I pray that for all of you too. God bless you all. Peace & Love....

The Truth Hurts

Pain, physical and sometimes emotional, has become my constant companion. It seems that the day I turned 60 my sciatica started giving me problems, my right thumb didn't want to bend anymore, unless I wanted to experience excruciating pain... oh, and then I ran to my beautiful wooden candle holder my friend Faustina painted, when I notice the flame is skimming the top, and grabbing it, liquid wax spills all over my CD player, table cloth and my left hand. I peel the wax away and some of my skin comes off. Pain, very intense pain, brings tears and trucker words out of my mouth until I remember to put ice in a plastic bag and have it sit on my burned hand. This all in one day. OUCH!

If one had to choose between physical or emotional pain, what would you choose? Ummm, I don't know what I would choose but this topic does force me to recall the birth of my four children. Each one was a unique experience, an amazing gift in my life. Strangely, my one son who was 11 lbs. 4 oz. at birth, was the easiest. It's been 19 and a half years since I had my last child but I will never forget the pain. It's only a memory but if I was asked what the pain was like, I would say, I guess I could handle just about anything after delivering a baby. Dental work, workouts at the gym, candle wax burns, etc. I speak only of physical pain which does pass but must have it's purpose.

I think emotional pain can be just as difficult to endure. Some would argue more difficult. The heartbreak of betrayal, the death of a loved one, divorce, just plain old life challenges. I have often thought the reason why we have pain in our life is to make us turn to God. We pray, "please make it stop", or "why me?". But we pray and do plead to the Almighty. Suffering is as much a part of life as breathing. We need to be reminded to turn to our Maker. But I do believe that we forget about God as we go thru our daily lives. I know I do. And since God loves us all so much, if the truth be told, we all need reminders to allow God to be in the drivers seat and we stop trying to control everything. You know the old saying, "man plans, God laughs." One of the most difficult things to remember. I often wonder how do I discern the difference between what God wants and what is my own will. Still trying to figure that one out.

I've had my share of meltdowns lately; I miss having any of my kids around, all living away in Austin, Seattle and Northern Cali. I want a large house they can all come and visit or stay with me. I live in a small studio apt. I need to get work, make more money and get my car fixed. I sometimes yearn for a partner. So what is to be learned by pain and frustration in our lives, be it emotional or physical.

As I get older I realize it is something I cannot escape. I have accepted it as part of the process but recently I had the privilege to become familiar with Dorothy Day, a modern day Catholic Saint. She wrote a book called "The Long Lonliness" and she quoted Saint Teresa who said "life is like staying the night at an uncomfortable inn" and also spoke of a most wonderful priest, Father Roy, who worked in a negro parish as a curate. He would preach "the one thing that is most necessary is -Love. "Love is the measure by which we shall be judged." I like reading things like that. To know I'm loved buffers the pain of the world. But the most profound and beautiful thing Father Roy was quoted as saying is "Doesn't God give us the strength and grace to bear everything?" Now that is something to remember everyday. Even when the thumb doesn't work or driving longer than 20 minutes, I deal with pain running from my bum all the way down my leg, and it's making me crazy.

I will see my sons in June, watch one of them graduate from college, and I'm sure I will see my daughters sometime this summer. Maybe my film will be successful and I'll get to buy a big house. Pain passes but love is constant. I remember being told once to be grateful for whatever comes to us in our lives. May we all remember to have gratitude for whatever comes to us in our lives, because it does all come from God. Thank you God. Even for the pain...I think... but I'm not so sure? Just kidding. Ouch!

Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty

In the exploration of women and their visibility in the world of entertainment, many facts were gathered from statistical findings and personal experiences. The film “Invisible Women” produced by Susan Davis and Susan Valdez, was shown to thousands and hailed as a vitally important documentation of the state of women in film and television and how it must be improved. As we dig into the year 2010, with our new President and his positive, hopeful outlook, the population and stature of women in the world cannot be ignored. It is manifesting that the right person for the job is no longer chosen from an outer perspective but what a particular person embodies from within. Be they black, female, homosexual or any other so-called minority. In fact, the minority scale is shifting and it will not be long before the races will be so completely blended, there will be very little definition on the color scale.

That is how it should be. In the grand scheme of things, recognizing and embracing a popular spiritual precept, we are all one. In the eyes of God, we are all one. Now that said, let us begin to behave if that were true. Let us begin by helping one another reach our goals. There is no reason that any of us, women especially, cannot accomplish what we were put on the earth to express. The obvious of course is the role of mother, but as intelligent and educated women we can unmistakably do so much more. There are many women in the world that have proven our potential as leaders, writers, artists, and the list goes on. As so many of us approach our sixties and beyond, living active, busy and productive lives, there is no need to sit back and allow life to pass us by. Knowing that the sky’s the limit, older women especially, are beginning projects that are remarkable in scope. Many of us have no choice but to spread our wings and soar. It’s a do or die mentality and it works for now.

The next step is to chronicle the amazing achievements that women all over the world are realizing. We are no longer “invisible” but “highly visible” and accomplishing remarkable feats. In all facets of creativity, politics, and even making the world a safer place to live, women are contributing time, money and love to numerous projects. One example is the task that Patricia Arquette has undertaken to help the ravaged citizens of Haiti build homes and attempt to have a normal day to day life. Everyone needs a roof over their head. There are probably many other selfless acts taking place for the betterment of living conditions. I would love to hear about them. I myself am working with a wonderful actress, Ellen Gerstein, to get on screen a very poignant and very true story from the 60's, in hopes to inspire and lift all generations to new ways of thinking and treating one another. Let's hope that these actions taken by so many women in the world will bring a peace that has never existed since the dawn of time but has to be realized if this planet is to continue in providing the habitat for humankind.

The Daily Truths

It's been days since I've entered anything on my blog....moving, school beginning, heartaches, and much more fill the days and I forget to write. I feel rather whole and complete today. Like I could survive/live like this for as long as needed. I look back at my life, the time I spent raising my children and I see them, all grown up, and realize, life is so short, a twinkling of an eye. I want to spend my days in gratitude and contentedness. A lofty goal indeed.

Yesterday, I find out that my student loan is delayed because of an error on the registrar's part and I have to spend the whole morning e-mailing and on the phone with various people to straighten it out. There were the moments of panic and dismay. I have to send in a check to the landlord Monday for half the rent, $425, and I depend on my student loan/pell grant. Well, after letting the whole thing go and spending the morning in front of a camera, sans make-up, for a skin-care line that is using me as their test subject, I felt better. A couple of hours later I found out that the school will send the money today. I also received a check for $50. When I signed up for the skin-care job, I thought we would just receive product. The money was a pleasant little bonus.

When I was sitting in this ladies home, where I rented a room, a voice came to me, prior to my move, loud and clear, that "You have nothing to worry about." Such a short but profound statement. I try to apply it to my daily life. I really need a job and I am in a category now that leaves so little options that would be truly satisfying. But I am determined. I have the miracle concept to nurture in my mind. To believe that my soul is divine and precious and I can automatically create a miracle. I do believe that it's done with vast assistance by the Almighty but believing in that one thing does bring it about for sure. My apartment is a prime example. I indeed had nothing to worry about.

But my question is this: why is it that everything has to happen the nano-second before it's needed??? Why must I be brought to the edge of the precipice I feel like I will fall into only to be brought back to safety and security? That seems to be the m.o. of my life right now. Everything, bills, rent, buying food, all takes the very last moment I cannot do without that it all comes to fruition. But it does happen, the money appears, the place to live that is perfect manifests. it is a miracle. So today is another day and I will plow thru best I can. Living in LA is a big challenge. So many people and the work I do is over-saturated with so many beautiful and talented souls. There is nothing to do but trust in God and his beneficence. I will just believe, click my heels together and be happy to have a home, be it ever so humble.