If one had to choose between physical or emotional pain, what would you choose? Ummm, I don't know what I would choose but this topic does force me to recall the birth of my four children. Each one was a unique experience, an amazing gift in my life. Strangely, my one son who was 11 lbs. 4 oz. at birth, was the easiest. It's been 19 and a half years since I had my last child but I will never forget the pain. It's only a memory but if I was asked what the pain was like, I would say, I guess I could handle just about anything after delivering a baby. Dental work, workouts at the gym, candle wax burns, etc. I speak only of physical pain which does pass but must have it's purpose.
I think emotional pain can be just as difficult to endure. Some would argue more difficult. The heartbreak of betrayal, the death of a loved one, divorce, just plain old life challenges. I have often thought the reason why we have pain in our life is to make us turn to God. We pray, "please make it stop", or "why me?". But we pray and do plead to the Almighty. Suffering is as much a part of life as breathing. We need to be reminded to turn to our Maker. But I do believe that we forget about God as we go thru our daily lives. I know I do. And since God loves us all so much, if the truth be told, we all need reminders to allow God to be in the drivers seat and we stop trying to control everything. You know the old saying, "man plans, God laughs." One of the most difficult things to remember. I often wonder how do I discern the difference between what God wants and what is my own will. Still trying to figure that one out.
I've had my share of meltdowns lately; I miss having any of my kids around, all living away in Austin, Seattle and Northern Cali. I want a large house they can all come and visit or stay with me. I live in a small studio apt. I need to get work, make more money and get my car fixed. I sometimes yearn for a partner. So what is to be learned by pain and frustration in our lives, be it emotional or physical.
As I get older I realize it is something I cannot escape. I have accepted it as part of the process but recently I had the privilege to become familiar with Dorothy Day, a modern day Catholic Saint. She wrote a book called "The Long Lonliness" and she quoted Saint Teresa who said "life is like staying the night at an uncomfortable inn" and also spoke of a most wonderful priest, Father Roy, who worked in a negro parish as a curate. He would preach "the one thing that is most necessary is -Love. "Love is the measure by which we shall be judged." I like reading things like that. To know I'm loved buffers the pain of the world. But the most profound and beautiful thing Father Roy was quoted as saying is "Doesn't God give us the strength and grace to bear everything?" Now that is something to remember everyday. Even when the thumb doesn't work or driving longer than 20 minutes, I deal with pain running from my bum all the way down my leg, and it's making me crazy.
I will see my sons in June, watch one of them graduate from college, and I'm sure I will see my daughters sometime this summer. Maybe my film will be successful and I'll get to buy a big house. Pain passes but love is constant. I remember being told once to be grateful for whatever comes to us in our lives. May we all remember to have gratitude for whatever comes to us in our lives, because it does all come from God. Thank you God. Even for the pain...I think... but I'm not so sure? Just kidding. Ouch!
There is a wonderful passage in the Koran... "No soul is given more than it can bear." I have tried to remember this, even as, in the midst of depression and despair, I secretly wished for God to remove me from this plane. A friend of mine put it another way... "One suffers according to one's ability to do so."
ReplyDeleteLife Passages can bring suffering - the loss of children to time, the loss of physical dexterity to age - but within each thing we lose, there is a Gift, as well. There is more Love available for us than any of us can possibly imagine.