The Best Is Yet to Come: Boulder, Colorado

It's been May since I've written in my blog and so much has happened since then.  I had just moved back to LA from NC to be with family when a two-week trip to Mexico brought someone in my life who I thought was the one, but turned out only to be the catalyst to get me to Boulder, Colorado, a very special place.  It's snowing today, the pic on the left was from yesterday when the sun came out and I went for a walk in 32 degree weather. So lovely, beautiful and brutal.  I swore I'd never live in cold weather again but here I am.  I didn't want to be wearing heavy coats with all the accessories and paraphernalia that comes with a glacial environment in an effort to not freeze your butt off.  I've been in Boulder for almost 7 weeks now and I've come to love it and what it has to offer.  I kind of feel like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde who left LA for Harvard to be with Warner, this man she thought was her prince.  Alas,that was not to be but so many more amazing things were waiting for her.  When it's not right, it's good to find our earlier than later.   

I've made some great friends since coming here. for as many people who want to be rich and famous that go to Los Angeles, that many people come here for spiritual development.  I've run into more intuitive healers, reiki masters, and other forms of spiritual practices than anywhere I've ever been before and there is of course the first Buddhist Univ. Naropa located here.

The good news for my projects of passion is the Colorado Film Commission accepted my screenplay How I Survived the Sixties for mentoring.  God-willing that will help open up the way for pre-production and who knows what else.  I'm also cast in a CU student film which I'll be filming tomorrow.  I've missed acting a lot, it's one of my big loves and so who knows what will happen next.  Here is a link to my actor reel which I also have some of my singing.  http://youtu.be/XNh7vlfzu7g   I'll have some more to add after tomorrow. Along with something I did in LA before I left. 

So I'm closer to my older daughter who lives in Santa Fe, NM and will try to go visit soon.  I'm also practically neighbors with Reynold Ruslan Feldman and his wife Cedar who are very dear old friends of mine. I  attended their b'day party celebrated at a most beautiful home.  Great crowd of folks with such eclectic interests.  Cedar did something so unique and had folks within each decade come up and talk about being in their 30's, 40', etc. all the way to 80's.  It was a most amazing way to honor each person who attended.  I'm so fortunate to be living here now and to think I've known Reynold for over 45 years and consider him my Hanai-Papa since I met him in Hawaii in 1969 and he helped me so much in 2007.

So today I'm staying cozy in the house with the snow falling fast and furious and forced to find something to occupy my time. Since I love to write, what better way than to share these last few weeks in a completely new and exciting chapter of my life.  Bike trails everywhere so I get my exercise and take care of errands.  I love this about Boulder.  The shopping is really great with all the stores you could possibly need so close to one another.  I hope to have some more wonderful news for ya'll next time I write.  I'm still busy with school and learning Spanish, finishing up Literature and Composition and learning all about the World Religions. Today I'm grateful and hope to continue with that feeling.  I wish you all God's blessings.  Do let me know you've liked reading this by making a comment.   Love you! 

Shall We Dance?

Ah, the wonderful world of dance.... who can resist it?  I certainly can't, even though at the moment I'm not taking any classes or even dancing around the house(maybe a few samba steps here and there) but it doesn't mean I don't love it as much as anything else I have done in my life.   To give you a brief history, I began dancing the minute I could walk, at least that is what my mother told me.  My mother, Marilia Ramos was a professional ballerina herself in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil many years ago at the Opera House. She came to America after her marriage and following the birth of two children proceeded to build up a dance studio.  She had numerous students and was obsessed with dance, primarily ballet, but I remember as a child her taking classes in Flamenco with castanets and all.  She danced a lot of character roles, popular ballets and even worked with the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo when they toured through Brazil then passed on her obsession to me.    And I am grateful for that gift.

It was difficult taking classes from my own mother.  I was the rebellious type so I didn't take it too seriously.  I danced quite a lot up until I was 16 years old then as fate would have it, the hippie movement swept me away to my new lifestyle in Laguna Beach and Hawaii.  I became a young mother, had some fantastical "trips" searching for God, peace and love, and while living on the Big Island, my life altered drastically when I found I could follow a spiritual path but not have to renounce the world.  I moved back to Oahu and began taking classes at the University of Hawaii, one thing led to another and I was told about an audition for a Vegas type show at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel and my professional life as a dancer unfolded and for 10 glorious years I danced in a plethora of shows.   I could fill this whole blog with photos but I won't.  I'd rather share with you  where I am today with the experience I gained from hours in a dance studio and on stage.   I continued to take classes, mostly ballet, after 3 more children but obviously my body was never the same.  Alas, I moved onto working mostly in Musical Theater, happily discovering I could sing as well as I danced.  Then of course the acting followed and I could actually refer to myself as a triple-threat, a phrase commonly used in the Broadway musical world.  But it was too late, or so I was told.  I moved around way too much but finally, so I thought, settled back in Los Angeles (with a brief excursion to San Francisco where St.Mary's College is located) into a great college program for current and ex-professional dancers called LEAP(liberal education for arts professionals).

This program was designed for us who would obviously have to change career paths because of the short lived life as a dancer.  In 2008, I had just returned from living in Hawaii for over a year and found the extremely challenging world of academia.  I discovered my love of writing, filmmaking, other forms of dance such as Afro-Cuban and Brazilian Samba, and now have so many passions at my disposal to incorporate my creativity, it's sometimes a feast

I couldn't possibly enjoy all it has to offer, but I try.  In 2012, Before I left the LEAP program to go sing in NYC which I did, a lot,(with a side trip to NC)I had a senior project I was required to put together and it culminated in a documentary film I've half way completed called The Eternal Rhythm: A Global revelation of Drum, Dance and Song, here is a link to my trailer http://bit.ly/1mznoOi .   After being gone for over two years, I'm now back in LA, and I have returned to finish my BA in Performance Arts and see where that leads me.  I still continue to work on my two screenplays I hope to get produced one day, my doc,  my acting/singing chops, I've begun another book, my third and who knows, anything can happen.

But I want to finish by sharing with you the joy I receive when watching the dancers of today and how much dance has evolved as an art form. There is so much fusion in dance going on, new names have to be derived to describe someone's "style." Actually, dancers today are required to do many styles but I do believe the best one's will always have a basic training in ballet.  For example, this young man who now is on everyone's lips as one of the guaranteed top 20 on the dance show SYTYCD, Trevor Bryce, who did a routine at the audition I can't get enough of myself.  You must watch this for sheer joy and creativity.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjXC_9MAhUY


I also believe this young woman who I have the pleasure of knowing, is one of the most gifted ballerina's I have ever beheld, and she was only doing a very inpromptu number at a gathering in Chicago a few years ago but she made me cry and have goose bumps at the same time.  Mahallia Pollard, now with the Joffrey Ballet, comes from a family of performers, both her mother and father, Kailani and Mathew Ward were accomplished  

dancers.  They must be so proud.  I tried to find a link to her video but may have to put it in here later when I can dig it up. At least you can enjoy a photo of this gorgeous ballerina.  I may not have been much of a "ballerina"(bad feet) but I can at least  appreciate good ballet and it's well-trained dancers.


 Last but not least,  I must wax lyrical about my own granddaughter, Luciana Tarantino, who is another very talented dancer.  And I'm thrilled to be going to see her perform this weekend at Santa Monica College.  I knew there was a reason to move back to Los Angeles,(winking). But this is such a special treat to watch a fourth generation artist in my own family.  Dancing as a passion may have skipped my own daughter Elea(she is immensely gifted in other areas) but Luciana surly inherited the legs and talent for this particular demanding art form.  I'm so blessed, grateful, and overjoyed to be near family once again and share their talents and accomplishments.  The next time you hear some music that moves you, get up and dance.  It's so much fun!!!

                                                                   

The Gift of the Latihan!! (Indonesian for "exercise")

It's been a couple of weeks since I was inspired to write in my blog.  Why does it take someone passing away to pay attention to the wake up call?  The summons reminding us we are only here for such a short time.  A twinkling of an eye in fact.  I think about it all the time and I will make my point eventually.  

It's been 6 weeks since I left the East Coast for warmer and sunnier climes.  Oh, how I love the weather here, even though we had a bit of a heat wave this last week.  The verdict is now in. Residing in LA has definitely cemented it for me.  I'd much rather be warm than cold.  Living in mild temperatures has the added bonus of not having to wear all that paraphernalia which comes along with living in cold weather.  Warm coats, hats, boots, scarves, gloves, layers.  Ouch, I don't ever want to live like that again.  Okay, so why am I going on and on about cold versus warm?

It's the realization, we are forever striving to be "comfortable" in our own skin.  I'm witness to so many folks complaining, it's either too hot or too cold.   We all love the balmy 70 degree weather. If we can't live in it, we layer on as much clothing to make it seem warmer.   Something about our body temperature or what we are used to feeling. But why?  Maybe one of you out there will have the answer.  All I can recall though is a quote from a book I had to read in school during a course on religions and I remember so well how it impressed me.  "Life here is similar to a stay in an uncomfortable inn." Obviously, it was written over a hundred years ago because we refer to 'inns' as hotels/motels now. But I've noticed the truth to this statement.  We are all forever trying to attain some comfort level, not just for our bodies, but our hearts and minds too.  No one likes being uncomfortable.  

As long as we reside in this fleshy envelope, we will always know discomfort.  I am also so aware of my inner feelings and even though I can't see what is bothering me, I can sure sense something isn't right in my world.  But this last weekend at a Helpers Retreat, the epiphany came, the reality of why I continue, every week, to get to my spiritual practice of the latihan of Subud and even though my outer life isn't the way I want it to be (yet), something is taking place which is beyond my expectation and another realization has been made concrete for me.  No matter what I'm faced with in life, the challenges, the blessings, the heartaches, they will all pass and I know for fact I am preparing for that crossing-over, check out time, the big Aloha and this amazing gift of the latihan of Subud is what will make the transition easier and the next life better.  So I'm uncomfortable for now but it will not always be the case.

In Subud we have this truly extraordinary ability to receive an answer, to any question if asked in a quiet state.  My lovely sister and friend Alexandra asked a question I had on my mind alot.  "If we are doing the latihan, how does it help us as we transition to the next life?"
Well, sports fans, it did it for me.  We have this amazing gift which is for All Mankind and I for one am so extremely grateful.  I know now why I continue to practice this exercise taking me out of myself and to an indescribable place.  It's a huge preparation and admittedly I don't know a lot about the next life, even though I've had my two out of body experiences but I always had an inkling we don't really die.  

Okay, enough said on the subject.  I couldn't stay the whole weekend retreat and bathe in the love filling the Subud hall but this one question and answer is what I needed.  We are so much more than our bodies folks.  And in essence we are purely LOVE.  Believe me or not.  The world of course would have you feel and experience otherwise.  Funny, I had no idea what I was going to write and this just poured out.  Please forgive me any and all of you who don't know what Subud is, but I've been practicing for 44 now years and it's still a mystery. (she  smiles here.) Wishing you all God's blessings.

Gone But Never Forgotten!

Troy is fading in the distance.  Mary's P.O.V. is the light ahead with all those who have gone before her, Annie, Aunt Rose, Uncle Henry, Alexander, and others in spirit form walking towards her.
V.O. Mary: "I knew it ....  Death is not the end, but a magnificent and glorious reunion." 

This quote  from the screenplay, Trolley to Lumina (aka Lumina Love) was spoken by Anna Pennington, playing the character of Mary Nicholson at a table read I facilitated last year in Leland, NC.  Little did we all know she would be having her own glorious reunion, much sooner than I would have liked.  Anna passed away yesterday, having found out this morning from Bill Presser, her good friend,  someone I hoped to use as my aeronautical consultant for the film and a big help with my table read by bringing Anna.  She was such an inspiration and what a privilege to have met her.  I have never known anyone quite like her.   She was originally the lead character in the screenplay I had written while living in Wilmington, but she told me she didn't fly until the 40's and my story was set in 1928.   Anna was the 2nd woman to receive her pilots license in Wilmington around 1941.  She suggested I ought to use the name Mary Nicholson, who was actually the 1st woman to receive her pilots license in North Carolina in1929.  What a gracious lady and I don't want to believe she is gone.   May she rest in peace! 

If you are interested in reading more about her, here is a link http://bit.ly/1lzGBz8 to a very succinct news story written about her life imparting her sense of humor and love of life.  Wow, she even had two streets named after her in Wilmington.  I first met her at her home.  I googled the name Anna Pennington to see if she was a real person having created her name for my initial script.  When I found out she was a functioning, live person, I tracked her down through Bill Presser and found a way to interview her.  I went to her home and was taken aback at her sharp wit and lovely nature.  She shared her history and was as humble as a Buddhist priest.  As you can see from the photo on the left, she was quite the beauty too in her younger days.  She lived in Los Angeles long ago and expressed to me her wish to have made it to the the silver screen.  I may even write a whole screenplay about her life someday.  It would make a terrific story.  You never know...

My deepest sorrow and regret is that she won't be able to play the character of Mary Nicholson at 91 years old, boarding a small plane with her grandson to fly over the farm fields of St. Helena, and over Wrightsville Beach where the Lumina Ballroom once existed, fulfilling the top item on her 'bucket list.'(fiction)  I pray she is flying high in Heaven and meeting all her close friends, her spouse 'Skinny' Pennington and any other family that proceeded her.  Thank you Anna, for your participation in my table read and for giving me hope for my own life.  It is never to late to do what you love and be who you are!

    (Table read of Trolley to Lumina w/Kim Henry and her daughter Jaya)

Nothing So Fine ....

It was my ex-husband who used this phrase and it has stuck with me always. "There is nothing so fine that God can't replace it with something finer."  There is so much truth to this bit of advice/wisdom.  I have applied it in so many circumstances.  Having to let go of a marriage or the  possibility of a relationship, moving to another place not knowing how it will be, letting go of all my belongings to allow an adventure to unfold which forbids me from hanging onto my possessions.  This stream of thought comes at the coattails of what I wrote in my last blog, so to continue, I'd like to share with you my new environment, how it is "so much finer" than where I've been and how hopeful I have become.

I walked up the street last Sunday and found a walking/jogging area called Hansen Dam. Quite a few folks were there, very early I might add,  walking the pebbled trail, along with groups of serious joggers embracing the path with a mission, and whole families on bikes pedaling the distance. The view was killer and I took a few photos but they will not even come close to the pristine beauty that I experienced enjoying this popular path.  My whole body and soul were transported by such picturesque beauty.  I'd have to admit I was awestruck.  The bluest sky, the whitest clouds, the greenest trees, giving no hint of a drought that has plagued Los Angeles this last year.  I didn't want to leave but it got very windy and as I witnessed others losing their hats, I clutched onto mine as I left this amazing, pastoral view of  park, hillsides and even mountains.

Then I realized, that was what I was missing living in NC ... at least in the area I was in.  Flat, flat, flat, for miles.  I really missed the hills and mountains, the terrain of peaks and valleys. Even living in Hawaii there was the gorgeous Pali mountain with sporadic waterfalls gracing the sides of the greenest crevices.  Yes, I need something to look up to and tell me if I'm going East or West, North or South.  Here is a link to this video I took when I went up in a small plane in Burgaw, NC.  http://bit.ly/HTq8bv You can see for yourself.  Only farm fields and not much else.  

Not to find fault with a beautiful place like Wilmington, NC with its own charm, I am only saying I prefer my dear and beloved Los Angeles, with all its shortcomings, traffic problems, demands to know at least a little Spanish(especially in my area), and fortunately I do saber un poco de español .. I find it an easy language to learn.  As I take the bus, since I'm still working on securing a vehicle, I'm surrounded by a Spanish speaking community. (a story/blog for another day) Actually, it's good preparation for my journey to Puebla, Mexico in August, God-willing.  I am looking forward to that adventure and a reunion with so many of my brothers and sisters from all over the world.  

In closing, I hope I will continue to be inspired by my surroundings and what God puts in front of me to do.  It's not always easy, mostly it's very challenging with my mind and it's eagerness to accomplish so much when I really need to surrender and be patient.  To temper my impatient desire to get out there and take on the film world,  I have this wonderful view from my window.  I witness these goats(my neighbors across the street) who

graze away all the live long day and don't do much else.  Reminding me to relax and just let the current take me.  I know eventually my life will all become a dream come true if I just let it unfold gracefully. And speaking of dreams, I've had some amazing ones lately. In one I was being told, "you don't always get what you want, but you get what you need."  Yes, lyrics from a Stones song but also sage advice to really put into my stable of truths.  And "if the truth be told"  I'm very well taken care of.  Thanks to my Highest Power!

Re-Post of An Older Blog (much older)

I titled my blog If The Truth Be Told because I felt the need to write positive, uplifting essays and musings. Even if it's only MY TRUTH, it may resonate with others as their truth also. You know the saying "the truth will set you free." Who doesn't want to feel free.  Free of stress, the burden of huge responsibilities, etc.  I love sharing something inspirational that will make life a little bit more bearable for all of us who struggle living in this crazy world.  So I went and read one of the very first blogs I had ever written from 2009.  So here it is below.  Other than I don't feel downtrodden anymore, I'm actually a very happy camper at the moment having moved back to LA, the truth from this older blog is still very relevant. One thing I would add to this older blog is ... if you are grateful He will give you more.  I hope you enjoy it.

Truth or Consequences

As I child I used to watch this show on TV called "Truth or Consequences" and there was a very young Bob Barker as the host. I barely remember what was done on the show but what I do remember is that I liked it, it was fun, and it was something I could watch with my mother and brother. Many years later I noticed there is even a town called Truth or Consequences in New Mexico. I think it was in my 20's when I found out what the word consequence really meant. I had Brazilian parents and much of the time they spoke Portuguese around me as a child. My one huge regret in this life is that I didn't learn the language fluently. How different my life would have been had I spoken Portuguese. I would most likely be singing in nightclubs Brazilian songs for a living, being so passionate about the music fo Brazil.  

As a young girl, I wasn't around people who spoke a lot of English and it is just in the last few years that I have fallen in love with the English language since I decided to go back to school and was blessed with the demands of writing. Writing a lot. I am learning to love words. What they mean, what they can become to mean when written in a certain way. I love the word Truth. I love the way John Leguizamo says the word truth in the film Moulin Rouge.

I'm not crazy about the word consequence. It has a kind of forboding quality to it but it can come in handy. In disciplining my kids, I used the word to remind them when they misbehaved they would have to face "the consequences."   When remembering all the things I did in the past and how they are coming back to bite me in the butt. When you charge something on a credit card the consequences is that you will go into DEBT!  Big one...and if you don't put gas in your car, you will get stuck somewhere and not be able to drive. That's a no-brainer.

There are the other big ones like if you sleep with a man unprotected, you have a good chance of getting pregnant or if you smoke a lot of cigarettes, your lungs can turn black. How our whole life is filled with consequences for our actions. I think what happened in the 60's, I adopted the word karma and I kind of like that one better. It carries the same meaning, the same weight as consequences but it is more exotic and foreign.  I hope I have been building good karma with my love and compassion for my fellow brothers and sisters. I'm certainly not a perfect person and lately feeling kind of down-trodden with no real job and money in the bank. But I will plow thru this time because it can't last forever and hope my good karma kicks in and I get to the other side of this test. 

What is the main question on this test? Well, it is how much faith do I have in God's beneficence and mercy. Can I trust that at the moment I need something, my need will be fulfilled? Let me tell ya...this is one bitch of a test.  Many years ago, an Egyptian man told me a story about a beggar in the courtyard of a small village, he would sit out and wait for someone to give him his morning food. If anyone tried to give him food for the whole day he would refuse it because he wanted to make sure he kept the faith that later in the day he would be provided for. Boy, did I not get that one right away until I was put in the same boat. One day at a time is nothing compared to one hour at a time. That is how I have to live at times. One hour at a time. Trust in God and his mercy, abundance  and beneficence.  Abundance being the operative word.

That is my big lesson right now. I feel like posting a disclaimer and telling you all, "do not try this at home" but I can't.  If God sees fit that you need this test. Surrender, let it all go. Everything you are clutching in your hand out of fear, let it go. He will provide. Reminds me a little of this song I sing to myself on occasion. "Life is just a bowl of cherries". The line goes "the sweet things in life, to you are just loaned, so how can you lose, what you never owned." Wow! do I love that line. So, I'm off for my morning walk and basking in the glorius sunshine of Los Angeles. I'll leave with you with one truth that I do know. God is large and in charge! Have a lovely day whoever may read this.  Love and Light! Pilar

ON THE ROAD ... AGAIN!

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I am looking forward to my life in the fast lane once again... Well, almost.  Must be the roots in my birth city Los Angeles calling me over the miles loud and clear, "Come Back Now!!"  And as a true Cali girl, I'm yelling in response, "I'll be there soon." You can definitely say I move a lot, much more than most folks.  In 2007, I was living in Seattle, freezing my behind off and wishing for warmer climes. Out of the blue, my oldest daughter called asking me if I wanted to come to Hawaii and work as her makeup/hair person for a photo shoot for Jupiter Images.  Hellloooo, are you kidding? I was packed and ready to go in nothing flat.   I decided to get rid of everything and move back (having lived in Hawaii from 1969 to 1980) sans all my warm coats.  You actually never need any clothes at all. Well, maybe a bathing suit and a few dresses/t-shirts and shorts. (btw, below/right is one of the photos that ended up in the LA Sunday Times.)

 I enjoyed my time in Honolulu, working on the most fun show I've ever done, The Musical of Musicals: The Musical, among other things.  I stayed very briefly, not quite 2 years, when I needed to get back to Cali to assist my brother, who is disabled, with some issues.  Not long after leaving Hawaii to Los Angeles,(where I went back to school) I decided to move to NYC which I can't say was the easiest time but so many perks came my way, including being on the SAG Awards Nominating Committee, so I have no complaints but I became very ill and moved to Florida to heal.  

I lived in this cultural wasteland known as Daytona Beach for close to two months when I got the bug to move to Wilmington, NC.  With the adventurous spirit I possess, I moved here not knowing a soul.  I've been in what is affectionately known as Wilmywood, because of all the films or TV shows made here, but find it's close to living in the backwoods of a very provincial town.  I'm serious.  It has only been a year since Trader Joe's and Whole Foods came on the scene so the locals are only becoming familiar with something I have enjoyed for many years.  I have been able to sing a bit, performing at the Unity Church and then this Friday at the Unitarian Church.  I made a short film for the Cucalorus Cough Syrup Film Festival and wrote two books, a 10-minute stage play and a screenplay, and started up my blog again so it's been productive if nothing else. And once again, I've gotten rid of everything to begin anew in LA.

I have met some amazing, talented folks in Wilmington and then some not so fun people who are capable of sucking the life force out of you, if you let them.  (But really, that's everywhere).  I'm not one to hold a grudge or even want to make a big judgement so I'll move on only wishing all I've encountered the best of luck in their lives.  Now I'm off to a place where I know so many people, have family, am quite familiar with the lay of the land and pretty much prepared to face the big egos and insanity that is Hollywood.  The traffic and frustrating parking situation not so much but what can ya do? Sigh! 

Living in North Carolina has been an experience, an education, a challenge, but mostly a big fat blessing.  I've forged friendships that I know will last the rest of my lifetime and I'm so grateful to all who gave me unconditional love, support and sustenance.  Love you!!  I've learned how to really love and take care of myself more than ever but most of all I've learned how much God really loves me.  Not a God who is separate from me but the vibrating Life Force in all living creatures/creation.  To this Light I am truly grateful for all You have bestowed upon me.  Learning patience, being one of the most valuable gifts to possess in this life, was at the forefront of my lessons.  I've heard, "patience is the key to heaven." I have to agree.   Another most valuable lesson was, all things pass and nurturing  our connection with the ever-lasting Universe is by far the only worthwhile undertaking.  

I honestly don't care what may manifest in the next leg of my journey. I'm very surrendered about the future. All I know is, it will be what God wants for me and I will be grateful.  Of course, I'll hope to produce my screenplays, sing in show or two, even prepare a one-woman show a psychic friend of mine told me I needed to do, but that's the gravy or frosting. To feel love, to have love, to be love or even be in love is what I'm holding most dear now.  So for the few folks I leave behind that have given me so much, who have touched my heart and soul, I'm sincerely grateful.  I'm certain ya'll have a place in Heaven. (smiling here).   In my next blog, I'm sure I'll have all kinds of fun stories to tell of my flight, my landing, my new home and what is going to be, at least in my feelings, a very fun and creative time. Good-bye Wilmington! God bless ya'll!!

RIP Sarah Jones, Your Beauty Lives On

 On Facebook last night I saw a post by someone named Zach  Goldberg, a young filmmaker, writing something totally new, who had to express his grief, disappointment and sadness about the lose of a young woman who worked as crew in film and TV here in the South. Her name was Sarah Jones and when working for a biopic Midnight Rider, about the musician Gregg Allman,  shooting in Georgia she lost her life.  They are calling it a tragedy and it certainly is for her family.  What a shock it would be for her parents to hear that their daughter, in the line of duty, was hit by a train.  She was not dodging bullets in Afghanistan or driving a car on an icy road during rush hour.  She was making a movie.  And she wasn't even a stunt person.  She was 2nd AC(assistant camera) operator.   This blog Zach wrote moved me so much that I had to respond.  I would suggest you go to this sight  http://wehaveembarked.com/were-just-making-movies/  and read what he had to say.  It is heartfelt, smart and will resonate with many film people.  I am one of them.  I love making films in front and behind the camera.  That is my reason to moving back to Los Angeles.  I find it remarkable that Zach wrote with such insight and empathy.  But that's what the film community is filled with.  Very sensitive and caring individuals. 

After you read his blog you can read my response below because I also felt something deeply about this girl, so fresh-faced, young and beautiful.  But as I told Zach, she is like a pebble thrown in a pond and the ripples reach far and wide.  There is even a special movement and page on FB to make sure her name is included in the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars on Sunday. You can go and like the FB page, type in  Slates for Sarah Jones.  I hope you join this sincere cause to make sure everyone is made aware of her unnecessary demise.   It was her job, making a film along with the coterie of film crew members she worked with on the set, but it cost her her life.  This can't happen again.  She was not a stunt person where something like "could" happen.   She was a crew member and from what I hear, others were injured at the same time.  Please folks, no camera shot is worth someones life.  Here is my response to Zach.  Join me in saying a prayer for her.

Wonderful blog/story about losing someone on a set where you are "just making movies."  It's so sad to lose someone you work with and at such a young age.  I hope you know, she is in a much better place. I know those words may not sooth the hurt you are feeling but we will all be joining her eventually, one by one.  Granted, it was something that may have been avoided but do take heart, we are all learning serious and important lessons from her untimely death.  Sometimes people come into the world for a short time only to give us all a gift.   I work in film too, among other things.  My blog is http://pilarsings.blogspot.com/ and it's very eclectic.  If you scroll down, you will read a plethora of varied topics.  I'm heading back to LA from Wilmywood  (Wilmington)NC soon and will be once again navigating the waters of movie stars, fame and the heady world of filmmaking.  Thank you for putting it all in perspective for me.  You expressed the reality of our work in a way that will hopefully mean a change in attitude about what we do.  The 'shot' is important but people are precious, we must handle each other with care.  I lost someone to suicide, he was only 26, and I realized how unique we all are.  There will never be another you or me in the history of mankind.  I make an effort to look at each person I encounter with reverence.  I hope you all say some prayers for Sarah and her journey,  It will help her. Her spirit is forever.  God bless you young man on your journey and thank you once again for your expressing your heartfelt and sincere feelings.  You revered Sarah for her presence and that's all we can do. 

I have a son her age and I sometimes think about what I'd do if I lost him now.  God forbid.  There is an old Chinese blessing and it goes like this,  "grandmother dies, mother dies, child dies." ... You may ask what kind of blessing is that?  Well, it honors the natural course of events of family lose needing to take place for the least amount of grief for everyone.  Sarah died too young but as I mentioned in my response, she is a catalyst for us learning a great lesson and bringing us together.  Thank you Sarah.  God bless and guide you to a new place in Heaven.

Pins of Bling

 I wish these pins sparkled on the page like they do in the light.  For some reason

 the photos don't do them justice but I wanted to tell you the story of why I make them, and how they have brought something which is extra cool  into my life .  A very special way for me to create and express my artistic side where it's just me, the ever so elegant Swarovski crystal beads, wooden shapes, soothing music and a glue gun.  But I can't tell you about the pins until I tell you my story discovering the glue gun and it's remarkable capabilities.  No, folks, I haven't lost it, I just have to share this story, be it silly and pedestrian.

I knew glue guns existed (the only non-violent gun I know of)and was faintly aware of it's magic that creates and doesn't destroy.  I had no idea what I personally could accomplish with one but after watching Project Runway, I was impressed with one of the designers saving the day with her 'glue gun'. They aren't expensive, I think I paid less than six dollars for mine, along with a package of glue sticks. 

My first project began after receiving a T-shirt from the LEAP program at St. Mary's College when we visited the Moraga campus near Oakland.  I don't particularly like T-shirts.  The are usually too masculine looking, the necks are too high so I always cut them down and sew it into a boat neck design.  Then I fold the sleeves up a bit.  So I bought these Swarovski crystal beads and glued them to the shirt where the dancer was doing a jete (leap).  Wow, what an improvement!  I brought a little bling enhancement to an otherwise drab piece of clothing.  I next took this little wooden camel pin I never used, painted it with red nail polish and then with my mighty glue gun added some multi-colored beads all over the body making sure the eye of the camel was a special shade of blue.                                                                              

                                                                                     I was getting compliments from bank tellers

and super market cashiers when I wore the pin.  I thought, maybe I have something here. Let's see what else I can do.  In the past, my creativity was relegated to dancing, singing, acting, working as a make-up artist and even sewing clothing for a few lady friends.  Now, I can make clothing even more attractive with the glue gun and beads.  I also found a very simple pair of black sandals at the thrift store and adorned them with the shiny, crystal beads and voila, I have something quite lovely and unique.
I was thinking then, let's see what I can create that might even make me a few bucks.  As I recently set up household in the South, I purchased the orbs and crosses and went to work.  Being house bound, not having wheels, I may have become craft obsessed and using the glue gun may have become my new narcotic.  I love pulling the trigger and watching the clear liquid adhesive pour out onto something just screaming for a bead to adhere and enhance my project.  I wonder, is there a 12 step program for this kind of addiction. Maybe it's just plain art happening.  I hunkered down and made dozens of pins.

Who knows if I'll continue to make them when I get back to Los Angeles.  Hopefully, I'll be able to find a greater variety of shapes.  Or I may just enjoy wearing the ones I have now in my wardrobe to auditions and SAG/AFTRA functions.  I still do love my favorite toy, the glue gun, and have repaired many a shoe, purse, mug handle, etc with it's great adhesive value.  But in the meantime, it's fun to say, "yes, I made this".. but you can do it too.  Just get yourself one of those little glue guns.  It will change your life, or at least your wardrobe.  And you don't even need any kind of license.

IS THIS HELL FREEZING OVER?

I remember hearing that phrase a lot growing up... you can just wait "until hell freezes over"... meaning it ain't gonna happen.  Well, here we all are, well maybe not all, experiencing the polar vortex in varying degrees.  Hell is freezing over, it's happening.  Here in Wilmington, NC we have freezing rain today.  Brrrr, I can tell you right now, I'm writing up my sign, California or Bust,  to post on the side of my mini-van, the one I don't have yet but hope to have soon.  I don't like being cold, it's not fun, it's uncomfortable & geesh, how much paraphernalia does one need just to keep warm?  Hats, gloves, scarves, layers of clothes, including t-shirts, sweaters, jackets, long underwear, at times 2 pairs of socks, special shoes, (Uggs the most popular) warm pants of course....am I forgetting anything?

I'm well aware this 32 degrees here is balmy compared to the more Northern states/cities. So many of my friends are dealing with snow and what is affectionately called, a wintry mix. Temperatures in the negative, which I can't even fathom. This is not normal.  Dare I mention global warming?  But to hear that this is unusual for North Carolina, than it must truly be "hell freezing over" for all the folks who have maybe a usual snow storm or two every winter.  For them these are pretty radical weather variations and I don't know how they fair in such stifling cold.   My friend in Seattle is calling it Snowmeggedon.  My other friend in New Jersey endearingly calls it Snowcapolypse.    And I'm feeling ya'll.  I've had my share of living in colder climes.  NYC in two separate years, both times with one storm that shuts down this bustling metropolis for a day or two.  I even lived up in Washington Hts. when Hurricane Sandy(a whole different ballgame) burst it's way into the city and destroyed so many homes and businesses.  I felt the blustery, stronger-than-anything wind as I walked up Broadway, wasn't inconvenienced much and was privileged to take the subway for free when they opened up again, but wasn't even close to any damaged areas.  I guess I can honestly say, I've not been faced with too-extreme disasters yet.  God-willing I won't ever but I just want to say, for all of those who are house-bound during this winter, it sure makes for a creative time.  At least for me. (Always making lemonade. this perpetual optimist here.)

I do believe this will be the last time I live on the East Coast, with my intention of going back to Cali soon, I will not miss this kind of weather.  Having grown up in Los Angeles, and then moving to Hawaii for 11 years.  I know what it's like to live in a tank top and shorts a lot of the time, or a t-shirt and jeans. Long skirts and maybe a shawl when it gets chilly.  I do know many people love this cold, the change of the seasons, the invigorating chill in the air which today reminded me of Big Bear Lake or Mt. Baldy.  It's not for me. And speaking of Mt. Baldy, those lovely winter days in LA, (I hear you laughing), when the sun is so bright and it's about 70 degrees and you see this absolutely majestic mountain in the distance covered in the whitest of snow.  I can live with that.  I do miss that kind of scenery and the fact I don't live in the snow.  So to end my diatribe about the cold, I'll will just say, it was nice knowing you NYC and NC but I'm outta here! (As I leave, walking away with glee, peeling away all my jackets, sweaters, scarves, gloves, etc.) It's been a slice(of ice)!!

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Hello everyone,  as I seem to be on a roll with words, today I thought I'd share with you some inspiring ones, mostly sayings and  slogans I have learned from my travels.  Some from attending Al-Anon meetings from one city to the next where I have been fortunate to visit. Admittedly, I'm learning all the time how so many of these phrases make a difference in my life.  I've also been reading Liz Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love for the second time, if only to visit Bali (where my son was lucky to have been a few months ago)once again and witness what seems to be a "true romance" in progress.  I'm living vicariously through the author who is such an inspiration since my life has been a cloistered 3 months in Leland, NC, living without wheels but focused on writing, which isn't a bad thing.  I'm just due for a change.

So what moved me to manifest these inspiring sayings and share them was my latest sojourn into the world of relationships.  With our computers capable of video phone calls using Skype, it's easy to get connected with someone on the other side of the world.  Alas, it was a fruitless endeavor, and the saying that popped into my head when he expressed he wasn't looking for a partnership was "man's rejection is God's protection."  With these words along with a combination of being so far away and the fact I've been through some of the most difficult emotional times lately, my resiliency to rejection has grown tremendously.  Happy to say my heart is intact and I'm ready for the next chapter.  I love myself so much now, the awareness of how God wants the "BEST" for me is so easily applicable to my life.  I have truly become a very strong woman.

Another great saying I learned at a meeting was fear is Forgetting Everything is All Right.  Fear is something we all have made bedfellows of and don't need it in our lives one iota.  Courage I think is it's counterpart and I am using that modis operandi  instead.  When I was living in Texas, I saw this saying on a bathroom wall at a place in Austin called "For the Love of Christy."  Where people could come and heal and grieve from losing a loved one too soon.  It said, "Fear knocked on the door, love answered, no one was there."  So with Love and Courage, I am determined to face the next 20-30 years of life(if I live that long) on this most challenging earth as one loving and brave wahine(woman in Hawaiian).

One Day at a Time is used in all 12-step programs and even though it may be an old and dusty bumper sticker slogan,  I noticed this really works for me especially when I choose to stay in the moment.  And continue to stay in the moment because as we all know these moments pass so quickly.  Speaking of time passing quickly. With the awareness time stands still for no one, I now have really committed to my favorite saying, "what people think of me is none of my business."  I do know there is a whole book with this title but this awareness comes with age and as I have aged, and with grace I might add, I love the idea of not giving a shit what anyone thinks of me.  It's why I was able to put out two books and live my nun's life with relative feelings of security.  I may not have a coterie of friends but I have a sisterhood of lovely ladies I can count on for love and support.  It's a sad day when we allow ourselves to be manipulated by others, when we are riddled with so much concern as to what others think of us.  Wayne Dyer's saying I gleaned from a church sign in Florida, "be independent of other's good opinions," is something I use every morning as I journal in my morning pages.  Such a theme of self-confidence has occurred you wouldn't believe. (said with a Jewish accent.) 

Here's a good one, "worrying is like paying interest on a loan you you didn't even take out." I certainly can embrace this one.  My mother worried, incessantly, her favorite thing to do was to grill me when I was going through a big change, "what are you going to do now?"  So my mind spinning around with a stable of negative thoughts when things were tough, I would have this mantra bouncing around, "what am I going to do now?" Over and over again.  Worrying as if I was taking a bath in it.  Over the last 44 years, I've been willing to allow this practice of Subud with it's purifying latihan to purge me of my demons, past mistakes along with the ones of my ancestors.  As I read once, "I know God only gives me what I can handle, but I wish he didn't trust me so much."  I wouldn't wish my last 2-3 months on my worst enemy, but ironically, I have come out the other side with such a sense of my connection with the Power of God.  Honestly, I'm not pulling your leg/s.  It's like there is no separation from my hand and the air it moves in.  It is all God's power.  I'm also very grateful I have enough latihan experience to find the quiet place within and feel what God wants me to do now.  Well, most of the time.  I have worked on developing and trusting my inner barometer and it has finally become my trusted ally.  

I'll leave you with just one more of my recent faves, it's actually the last line of a poem called Body & Soul, "to stay young, to save the world, break the mirror."  Our souls which I've heard are eternal have no age, no time restraints, so just live in the moment, love yourselves, for you are all loving, lovable and splendid.  God bless!

Words, Words, Oh, Glorious Words

 Hello everyone, I wanted to share with you one of the poems in my book Essentials - giving birth to words, rhymes and a story or two only because I was so inspired by this film The Book Thief.  If you haven't seen it yet, make the effort to find it somehow and encounter an education in how words can lift up the spirit at its lowest.  I was ambivalent about watching this particular film but had read great reviews.  We have all seen numerous films on the Nazi's and the egregious behavior they displayed during WWII.  The most horrendous time in the history of our existence in my opinion, the main reason I had been skirting around watching it, not sure if I wanted to have those images put in my sensitive heart and mind once again.    A lovely lady, Beth Ventre, told me it was definitely a film to see, really special, so I found it on Solar.com and was in for such a treat I had never expected.  It spoke to me like no film has in a long time.  And of course it helped to have two of my fave actors, Emily Watson and Geoffrey Rush at the helm.  All the young child actors were also exemplary.  To give you an idea what it's about here is a  quote, or actually a short synopsis from the web, "based on the beloved  international bestselling book, The Book Thief tells the story of Liesel, an extraordinary and courageous young girl sent to live with a foster family in World War II Germany. She learns to read with encouragement from her new family and Max, a Jewish refugee who they are hiding under the stairs. For Liesel and Max, the power of words and imagination become the only escape from the tumultuous events happening around them. This film is a life-affirming story of survival and of the resilience of the human spirit.   I highly recommend this film.

I don't remember the exact year, 2006 or 2007 maybe, could have been sooner, but I moved back to Los Angeles from Austin, Texas and sent my daughter to live with her father in Seattle.  I was alone, had no job or money but I made my daily trek to an Al-Anon meeting for spiritual sustenance and community.  I met lovely people and someone gave me a bike for I had lost my car not being able to afford the payments.  (Something I went thru again recently.) I was able to ride my bike to the library in Santa Monica almost everyday.  What you will read below is one of the poems or stories that came out of that time of bare bones existence.  I'm still very much in love with words and the power they possess.  I hope I can only evolve into the writer  I'm striving to become.  Someone who can express what this little girl in The Book Thief discovered of herself with the help of the young Jewish man they helped during the war.  Thank you God for this amazing gift so many writers have at their fingertips.  I might read the book someday also.

I was going through all these photos, literally hundreds, I've finally decided to scan to my computer so not to have to schlep them around anymore. I came across this fabric made card my older daughter had given me in 1985 and in it was a quote she decided to share with me in the card which just now truly has relevance for me.  "The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say." - Anais Nin  My daughter who is the ultimate artist in so many mediums has been such an inspiration to me and continues today and hopefully for many years to come.  Writers are artists too, painting pictures with words.  I hope you enjoy my poem and if you want to read more of my writing you can find my book on Amazon.com with many more poems and short stories.   God bless!!

Year of the Locusts 

The year it all vanished I felt like I died

My daughter left, then they took the house,

The car,  computer, TV and stereo

All removed when the locusts came

Imagining how the farmers felt

Having everything disappear in a twinkling

Fruits of one’s labor and love

All they had as identity and security

Then stealthily replaced with a magic discovery

Of  the prosaic library and the blessed word

Nothing to do but read and write

It flowed forth in a stream, no, a torrent

Claiming my role as a channel for words

When the locusts came it showed me

The joy that is poetry and verse

Feeling the hand being guided to create

Putting pen to paper, birthing a tangible thought

I kept company with the literary ghosts I admire

In the solitude required, I hunkered down

Then out of nothing came something

I've been told the pen is mightier than the sword

Will I topple my foes, praise and blame?

Of course, off to battle to conquer the world.

With my pen, with my (s)words…