To Tell the Truth

Another fun show as a child for me was To Tell The Truth, and I think they even tried to revive it in the last 10 years. 3 people would come on the show and claim to be the same person but of course only one was that actual person. The panelists, 4 of them, would try to guess who it is. How they figured out who the real person wasn't rocket science but it was fun. Today, I begin to see that there is such a desire to be someone else. Anyone but who we are. I know when I came to Los Angeles in 1980, after having lived in Hawaii for 11 years, I certainly wanted to be an actress because the illusion was that everyone would love you and you could get a lot of money and all the guys. I didn't come close to the truth that becoming an actress would allow me to be someone else and I'd eventually fall in love with doing the work. How silly and naive I was back then. Today, the joy and excitement of becoming another character is what I strive for. The fun to be had when I'm playing with other actors and we create a story. There is nothing like it. I remember making a film in Austin, Texas and I had this vision of me and director and other actors playing ring around the rosy, which mirrored what I felt when we did a scene. That child-like and innocent play we used to do so well.

I love this saying by a Japanese philosopher, "God alone knows the secret plan, of the things he will do for the world, using my hand." Isn't that beautiful poetry! So now I am in one of the hardest cities to live in, trying to do the hardest profession one can choose to be in, and barely scraping by. But I don't care. I know that I'm meant to do something here in this city and I will be tenacious and keep going. And I will keep learning to be the person that I am. Loving, lovable and splendid.

I couldn't sleep last night and while I'm tossing and turning, feeling either too hot or too cold, I had an epiphany. Of course, we have all heard it before that our thoughts make our reality. But this was quite big for me. I heard in my head that it takes as much energy to think dark, sad thoughts as it takes to think bright happy ones. So instead of falling apart when things are tough and thinking how much I'd like to die, I would just start thinking about how much I want to bring lots of money into my life, how I would love to have a partner and just focus on telling God those things instead of "oh please, God, take me now! So from now on, I will use all that negative energy and change it to positive thoughts. Okay, I know you are all yawning about now, thinking, oh I already know that. Well, so do I but to put it into practice is something new for me. Now I know how to put it into practice. I have the power and the green light from my angels. It's perfectly okay to want lots of money. Think of all the great things one can do with lots of money, build a theater for childrens plays, make a film that touches peoples lives, add a wing onto a hospital for people who can't afford to be in a hospital, lots and lots of things. And it's okay to drive a nice car and have beautiful clothes. Just keep in mind that you are not your car or your cloths and just a spiritual being having a material, earthly experience. So, as I get on with my day. I will keep in mind that I can change how I think and the truth is, I always could but was afraid and uninformed. God is great! In love and peace, Pilar